dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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