she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
