This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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