This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
