...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Congratulations! We have a period
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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