we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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