Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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