Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
