I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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