..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
