So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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