I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
