I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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