apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
