No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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