Say something about gay babies.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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