Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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