Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
