Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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