His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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