How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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