I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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