apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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