I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
