When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
