TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
