Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
