So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
