I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
