someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize