I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
