Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize