I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
