DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
