the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
