like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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