Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize