Can i not drive my cunt home
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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