There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
