My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
