$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
