so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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