Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
