no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
