you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize