Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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