So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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