i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
