I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
