SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
