you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
