Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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