Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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