Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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