Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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