did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
