Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
