This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize