so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
