Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize