Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
