Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize