well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
