the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
