would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
