I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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