Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
