We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
