oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
