You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
