You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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