your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize