If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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