Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
