i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
