It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
